As much as it is expected, you just can't know everything

More often than not, those you serve as an IT Engineer simply can't comprehend how complicated the equipment they take for granted is.  They also have no idea about the gubbins that sits in the server room, the cabling under the floor, the boxes dotted around the office or the magical thing they call the internet.  The thing is that they don't need or want to know about all this stuff.  It's a bit of a paradox really because there's just so much information there that is outside the remit of their day to day job...  Not a paradox in its self;  The paradox lies in the fact that they know it's all too much for them but can't appreciate how much you do to keep them working.  The trouble is that you're expected to instantly know the answer to every problem that relates to anything with any power running through it, whether you've come across the problem before or not.

The hours are very flexible

That's a good thing, though.  Isn't it?  No it isn't because the hours are only flexible in as much as you can work as many extra hours, weekends and evenings as you like for no extra pay but because it all goes unseen (see above) it is very frowned upon if you're away from the office for any period of time.  I have to admit, my firm is better then most in this respect but because of the unseen ninjary, there is no comprehension of the extra time you put in so any time out you might take is always seen as too much.

The hourly pay rate is very low

Wait a second...  IT salaries are quite high, aren't they?  They aren't bad generally but as far as hourly rate goes, an IT Engineer puts in so many extra hours... days even... that the hourly rate ends up being on par with an unskilled school leaver flipping burgers between cigarette breaks.  We IT guys are even hard wired to our phones and laptops when we're off sick so we lose our sick leave whilst still working a 12+ hour day.  That's just the way it is, it's not even optional.  If we didn't do it, the world would literally stop turning.

You will ruin lots of expensive clothes

If like me you're an IT Manager (perhaps the worst thought out job title ever) you dwell in an office and are expected to wear smart clothes in case someone sees you.  It's OK for large firms that can lock the geeks away but in a small firm, IT guys are on show and must fit into the office aesthetic.  The only problem is that we have to crawl around on the floor a fair bit and hump large, awkward shaped pieces of technology around with lots of tie snagging, shirt pulling sticky out bits to destroy all your finery.  When I joined my company I was pleased to see in the company handbook that there is a relaxed dress policy...  Sadly, my firm is based in Mayfair, London where relaxed dress policy literally translates to "normal office attire but a tie is optional".  I guess I should be thankful that the tie is optional because those sticky out bits I mentioned before will put a pull in a silk tie quicker than you can say "Timothy Lewin".

You are on call 24/7 (without pay)

I said before that the extra hours are not seen...  Not always the case.  The end user knows you're there when they phone you on the weekend because their email isn't functioning correctly but the fact that you left a social function to fix it is very quickly forgotten.  What's weird is that the fixing of the problem might be forgotten but the fact that there was a problem and the inconvenience it caused someone at the weekend (imagine that...) is far from forgotten.  Funny how an email taking half an hour longer to get to someone is a massive inconvenience but nobody cares a toss that the very same issue nullified your weekend altogether.

You are the Fun Police

You won't let the end user visit fun websites, send joke emails, install programs or keep media files on their PCs.  Again, they just can't comprehend the problems that all this fun stuff can cause.  These problems, more often than not are legal and/or security issues.  You may be able to run pirate software at home without any trouble but that doesn't mean you can at work.  The penalties for these things are huge and companies ARE watched and DO get caught out.  Regularly.

Nobody understands how important IT security is

My biggest pet hate is the sharing of passwords.  End users will do this quite happily without you knowing and without realising that giving someone their password is essentially giving away their identity.  It's very lovely and heartwarming that everyone in the office trusts everyone else so much but it can be a really, really, really big problem if that trust is taken advantage of.  Worst case scenario being that someone could literally tear a company apart in someone else's name and get away with it because all the evidence points to the trusting password sharer.  It appears that the end user would rather take this risk than ask the IT guy if there's another way to share the information without sharing their identity.  99.9% of the time there is another way but it's pointless me telling you this because if you've managed to read this post and got as far as this, you're probably one of those that understand this.  If you're not...  UNDERSTAND IT NOW!

Justifying IT budgets is like selling snake oil

Because corporate money men generally understand computery stuff even less than anyone else on the planet, it is very difficult to justify the cost of anything.  When you attempt to explain what things do, why they are required and why so many extra bits and bobs are required to make things work, money me just glaze over and because they don't understand it they struggle to see the benefit.  If they can't see the benefit, it has no value in their eyes.  The result being that you can't have the money because they can't see the ROI vs the TCO.  What makes this even worse is that you've not only got the cost of equipment and software but there are things like licenses and security certificates...  Again, people don't understand the security or the legal side of IT so licensing is always a difficult subject.

You will never have enough resources

Due to the impossible task of justifying costs and the fact that you do more work than gets noticed, you will never, ever have the money to spend or enough staff to make your own life easier.  Because you just get on and do it and because everything "just works" the extra resources are seen as not being needed.  You're more likely to get the sack for having an attitude problem (actually it's more likely depression or stress but who would know?) than be given the required help.

You will never have enough space

So we've established that you can't get money to buy new stuff.  This means you need to keep and fix up old stuff.  This in turn means you need the space to do that.  The bad news is that it's not going to happen because those that rule (here we go again) just don't see the need for it because stuff "just works".  Yes, that's your fault for making it work so well.  I hate having a messy desk but when it has to multi task between being a desk and a workshop (several times a day) you are constantly shuffling things from desk to floor or shelf and back again meaning you live in a cloud of electronic crap.  Add to that all the paper nonsense people insist on dumping on top of whatever you're working on.  Not only do you the engineer need to wear and regularly swap many different hats, your desk has to do the same.  The result is mess and the occasional weekend in the office (again) to sort it all out when it becomes too ugly for the pretty office environment.

Everyone thinks you do nothing all day

Here's the ironic twist.  If your end users think you do nothing all day, chances are you're probably doing a pretty good job.  If they think you're not doing anything, it's likely that your IT system is generally working pretty well.  Either that or it's slowly but surely falling on its arse and will eventually go completely to pot.  Generally speaking, a good IT Engineer is like a Ninja, stealthily keeping things in order whilst being unseen and unheard.  Dwelling in the shadows, always there to snub out an issue before it becomes a problem.

IT Ninja, I salute you!

Sadly, though I feel this blog post is unfinished and I've not had an opportunity to proof read it, I have to wrap it up because I've got far too much work to do.  Before I do this and set it upon you, my faithful reader, please listen to my advice and DO NOT get a job in IT.  If you already have a job in IT, get out while you can.  You're probably clever enough to do just about anything if you can manage a Windows network and its users successfully.  You won't though.  If you're like me, you're probably far too loyal and dedicated for your own good and far too stubborn to admit it.

Cutting images out of their backgrounds is hard.  Really hard.  All that zooming in and gently rubbing away with the eraser.  All that messing around with feathering and transparency.  All that fiddle farting about in general.  Then getting all those images together, scaling and rotating etc. to form a collage...  What a pain in the jackson!

Every now and then Windows PCs get really slow.  This is often caused by a combination of things but is rarely the end of the world.

There is no magical software application to speed up your PC or "clean" your memory.  It's just not worth buying more RAM or upgrading processors these days either so I suggest you follow these simple steps and if performance is still lacking, buy a new PC.  Better still, get a Mac!

1. Run an anti malware scan (Adaware is about the best free option)
2. Run an anti virus scan
3. Uninstall any software you don't use
4. Run Windows Update
5. Remove any files you don't need
6. Clear out temporary internet files
7. Defrag the hard drive (Don't do this more often than once a year)

Yes, there are other things that can cause your PC to slow down but this covers most of the issues.